Body Language

Good Intentions, Disastrous Results

Sometimes the most simple gesture creates disastrous results. For example, an employee does something right. You give them the ok sign.

The employee is angry. It appears that you insulted them but you don't understand what you did wrong.

In some cultures, the OK sign has a different meaning. It means that you are calling that person an asshole. A simple gesture with the best of intentions produces disastrous results.

You are in a meeting. The company's manager tells the participants that the development team completed the new project two months ahead of time. You give the development manager the thumbs up sign. The look on this manager's face tells you that you insulted her? What did you do wrong?

Your intention was to congratulate her. However, in some cultures the thumbs up sign is equivalent to giving that person the middle finger. Again, a simple gesture with the best of intentions produces disastrous results.

In many cultures pointing at someone is considered to be a rude gesture. When I was training to be an English as a Second Language teacher, we were taught not to point but to use open hands or open arms.

The open arms gesture is universal. It means "to include all".

A Simple Handshake

A few weeks ago I was having dinner with an Orthodox rabbi, his family, and with members of his congregation. In this form of Judaism it is wrong to touch a member of the opposite sex unless that person is a member of your immediate family. I was familiar with this restriction.

It was a fun evening. This was the first time I met this rabbi and felt at home. As I was leaving, I thanked the rabbi's wife for inviting me. Out of habit, I extended my hand to shake her hand. She politely told me that her belief precluded her from shaking my hand. I told her I knew this, was not offended, my gesture was just out of habit.

Let's elevate this simple mistake. Many Orthodox Jews work in non-religious jobs. Imagine an Orthodox Jew visits your place of work. This person, because he happens to be from another country, doesn't speak English well.

The company's presentation goes well. As a courtesy, one of the female employees extends her hand. Our guest wants to politely explain that his religious beliefs preclude him from shaking your hand but feels uncomfortable. Since he doesn't speak English well, he says, "I can't shake your hand." If he is really feeling uncomfortable, he might inadvertently say, "I won't shake your hand." Either way, our female employee justifiably feels insulted. It's not her fault that she does not know about this restriction, and it is not his fault that he is stumbling for the correct words.

Keep an open mind in culturally diverse settings. Don't let your first impressions cloud what might be a simple cultural misunderstanding.